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This article is a translation of Vyacheslav Gusev’s (Вячеслав Гусев) experience of The Tenth Journey to Peru.
I went to Peru with a strong intention to love the Lucifer. Why did I want it? “When a human will love the Devil, the Devil disappears”, - a priest once told me quoting Russian writer Daniil Andreyev. I thought: “It’s a good idea!” Since I have a destiny of a Doctor, and a natural drive of a Doctor is to heal, preferably to heal on a bigger scale. On the biggest scale, in fact. In the culture of Indians a notion of “bad people” is absent. If a human has mad and harmful ways to behave, a human isn’t bad, but hurt and needs healing, rather than punishment. Thanks to such a vision Peruvian Indians managed not to cultivate hatred towards conquerors, which treated them with cruelty, but instead they were trying to heal white people. Looking at things from this angel, the one who needs most healing is the fallen angel.
“Be careful”, - a priest warned me, - “Your researcher’s mind is focused, but your soul seeks to live through the fullness of experience”. Instead of paying attention and enquiring more, I was blinded by the thirst of heroic accomplishments. Why was I to go particularly to Peru? It’s hard to love someone whom you don’t know. I felt that Indians can help me to know the Devil better, that they’ve somehow chosen me for it.
And here I am on the other side of the Pacific.
“Did you hear what your teacher told you?” – the Ancient Master asked me. “He said to add a right arm to your extraordinary left arm!”, - I didn’t pay attention to the Ancient Master’s words: an old man’s mumbling. Could I think that half a year later a question of who’s god’s left arm and who’s right will be a crucial enquiry of my life? Do you find it strange that Jewish people have such a name as Benjamin – a Son of the Right Hand? Why not saying directly who is this Right Hand?
The Indian named a Son of The Right Hand certainly helped me. In some unthinkable way a deed of the Lucifer was revealed to me. It happened while I was having dinner at one ordinary Peruvian café. I suddenly could see it. I was sitting at the café and crying silently from pain and compassion. I saw how the fallen angel willfully renounced God’s Love to serve people in their development. Along with it, this creature destined oneself to be a target for hatred, to play a role of the main trash collector and accumulator of negative energy, of all the dark aspects, which humanity couldn’t digest and transform, but instead vomited out into the biosphere. The Lucifer is thus a hated rubbish man of human consciousness. It’s hard to imagine more dirty and ungrateful job. Thanks to evoked compassion my heart had opened. What I was coming for had happened. For a while positive and negative energies had equalized in me and I experienced a state of enormous love and sensed the huge wings on my back.
I lived in this blissful state for a few hours. And then I fell. I still can’t conceive why it happened, but the shattering was huge. Most likely my sleeping fears had awakened. Those were unthinkable, inhumane, unreasonable fears. I couldn’t even imagine such a magnitude of fear. The most dreadful was that I stopped feeling the love of God. I didn’t realize that I was feeling it all the time.
It seemed that the light around me faded and a clear realization arrived that I was called to serve the Fallen, and that my task from now on is to spread pain, suffering and destruction, to bring evil upon the world. Moreover, my consciousness and a freedom of will were obscured with inhuman horror which embraced me. My looks were in accordance. People who were travelling with me moved to another hotel. I was to stay on my own.
I called the priest: “I lost a connection with God, what to do?” “How could you lose it when all around you is him?” – here the conversation stopped. I needed to do something urgently. I called the Kind Indians. I helped them before. Could they help me now? The Kind Indians came. “Muy Inferno?” – they asked very lively. “Oh, muy, muy!” – I replied. They nodded woefully.
I knew about the practice of soul clearing. It is when the soul is being immersed into the womb of the Earth, into the primordial darkness, and it comes back purified and liberated. As it seemed to me I asked them to perform this practice. As it seemed. They’ve figured it their way. “Nuevo icaro”, - they said joyfully.
“Nuevo it is!” A hope for salvation appeared and I moved to live with them. Under their surveillance I felt calmer. My nights were filled with horrific experiences, and I felt that my main task is not to fall asleep before dawn. I didn’t know what can happen if I fall asleep, but I had no desire to find it out. The clearing practice was to last five days and nights. On the fourth day I felt that something is wrong. I felt as if I’m losing the soul. Indeed, what did Kind Indians want: to clear my soul or to replace it? “What will happen to my soul?” – I asked them. “It’ll go to heaven” – they said honestly.
It was an unexpected turn. If I was to leave it all as it was an outcome is the service under Lucifer in constant fear. If I was to escape this course an outcome is the loss of the soul. What’d you choose?
I decided not to lose my soul. I asked Indians to stop the procedure and went to an open field to lie down and think. I must admit that after losing God’s love I started to feel love and support of many souls. I’m grateful to all the people who were with me in those days, hours and minutes. The souls of loved ones are always near. I wouldn’t cope without this love. The One Who Brings Grace helped me a lot. I communicated with her over sms. She gave me the most important key: “I feel that your destiny isn’t set in stone. The defining factor is your word”. I started to look for my word.
I was lying under very dark Peruvian sky. Many crossroads of my destiny were revealed to me, when choosing between a challenge and a temptation I inevitably moved towards a great challenge. I understood that in my life I was listening to mother’s advice more than to father’s. In my personal history mother offered easier choices, and father harder ones. Always moving towards easier ways I arrived to the hardest. I saw that it was I who renounced my father and not he who forsaken me. “Who doesn’t honor father, dies forever” – my dad used to say. Could I think of it as not just of a proverb?
And finally I saw the main turn which brought me under the Peruvian sky and in this situation. A soundless scream: “I got it! Forgive me, Father!” directed towards heaven from the core of my being. The God’s love returned. My heart was warmed. A very kind message came: “It’s alright. I was always with you!” My world was resurrected. I was still terribly afraid; I didn’t know where to run and how to save myself from horror. But heaven’s love has come back. It was easier to breathe. Something has drastically changed.
I must admit that on a day before The Son of the Right Hand tried to take all the money I had from me. He made sure that I gave out all the cash as well as contents of my credit cards. I was so scared and gave out almost everything. It was almost everything. I hid twenty three sol in my pocket. I knew that he knows that I hid them. And he knew that I know that he knows it. And yet I hid them. I have no idea what would happen if I gave those out too. I think that all the events would flow much lighter for me. But in that moment I had not enough courage and honesty to give away everything. Much later back in the Ukraine I gave the last money to a gypsy. It was much easier there. Shaman’s elder son was taking me to an ATM on his bike. He was a dirty looking guy with a huge bundle of dirty hair; slyly smiling he asked me for money to repair his bike. The amount he asked for was exactly twenty three sol. I didn't give him.
Thanks to hidden money I had enough to recharge my phone. I felt that connection to home is more important for me than food and shelter. I messaged a friend of mine and he helped me. In the morning at Western Union office a transfer was waiting for me. Money carries various energies. Friend’s money also carries his support. I had enough money to fly home immediately. But I couldn’t do it. In five days Evgeniy was to come. He paid me in advance and I promised to guide him in Peru. There was no chance to break this promise. But how could I wait? It was easier to breathe, but my Peru wasn’t back. I was continuing to live in a strange infernal Peru. It was bearable in a daytime, but after dusk the city changed. Strange people with sullen faces on the streets were trying to get something from me, teenagers on the corners were sniffing glue, and prostitutes were wondering around, which never happened before. It was entirely alien, foreign Peru. For all the previous journeys I never came to such a Peru. I was told horrific stories about Latin America in general, but I never came to the infernal Peru. It didn't occur to me.
It seemed that I was still a guest at the Lucifer’s land and I wanted to leave it somehow. I must admit that the hotel where I was staying after coming back from the Kind Indians was an incredible island of my world. The owner of this hotel was almost a friend of mine. In some strange way, my Peru was kept in here. But night horrors were chasing me here as well. It was unbearable to wait every night as the last one. I decided to ask The Experienced Master to help me. He lived in a jungle, an hour away by boat. I went to see him, regardless of the coming night.
It was another crazy feat. I went out into the night in the infernal Peru towards the unknown. I couldn’t reach the master over the phone, and so I didn’t know what awaits me. I was sailing through the night and a miracle happened. An extraordinary courage has awakened in me. I felt that I can run towards anything with outspread arms. If a squad of soldiers with automatic guns was in front of me I’d run towards them screaming “Hello my dearest!” I simply was tired to fear. It is said that fear has to be conquered once in a lifetime. It wasn’t the case for me. I simply took a break from fear. A boat boy helped me. He was also afraid, he was a guest of infernal Peru, and yet he agreed to carry me. A very big drive arose in me, a drive to protect him if anything dangerous will stand on our way. A care for a weaker one is an amazing source of courage.
After the boy sailed away, my courage was only enough to get to a fence of The Experienced Master’s residency. The gates were closed. A barb wire was decorating two and a half meter fence. It was dark. Boat boy was gone. Nobody picked up the phone. I climbed over the spiky gates and walked towards the houses. The Master wasn’t home. I was welcomed and brought inside to rest. My strengths were running out, it was the hardest night in my life.
In the morning Master’s wife came. She was very scared and tried not to look me in the eyes. “The Master will come in the evening and help you”, - she was saying, but not looking. Her fear gave me strength. If she’s afraid of me and what’s happening, then what help will I find here?
If The Universe wanted to destroy me or drive me mad, it’d be done long before. It seems, there is no such an outcome. It seems to be playing with me, teaching me something. But teaching what? “Aum tat sat”, - the Singer told me, when I asked her what to do. “And also, clean up your room”, - she added. A good advice for the one returning from the infernal world: to start with cleaning the room.
I came back to the hotel and decided to wait for Evgenyi’s arrival. I called The Kind Indians to pay them well for the job done. Then I was simply living and planning what to do if the Universe won’t let me to come home. After all, a chronic fear and a foreign country aren’t the causes not to live.
Evgeniy came and Peru transformed. It all turned back to normal, ordinary people came back on the streets. Thugs, drug addicts and prostitutes disappeared. Evgeniy’s arrival brought back my reason and I figured out that it’s worthy to address the one whom it all started with – The Son of the Right Hand. Moreover because the Kind Indians were criticizing him and labeling as bad, scary, evil sorcerer, whom nobody should visit. The world isn’t what it seems. It is completely different.
The Son of The Right Hand met us wearing very clean clothes in a tidy room of his shack. Before that he was dressed dirtily and a shack was filled with rubbish. I fell asleep under his protection. The evil sorcerer was crawling around me all night, cleaning my energy system, healing me. Evgeniy told me about it. I don’t remember a thing. I was sleeping tight for the first time. In the morning I felt much lighter, I remembered that shaman’s elder son was asking me money to fix his bike. I wanted to give him this money. I asked to call him. An unfamiliar to me young man came out in tidy clothes. He had the same name as the elder son, but his looks were entirely different. I asked if there is another son or relative with the same name. I was told no, it was the only son. I asked him whether he needs money to repair his bike. A young man said he never had a bike… A curtain down.
Could the quantum universe be a bit lighter on the inexperienced consciousness of a white man?!
Then we flew to Pisac. I love this city. There was, and most likely still is, a scientific hub of the Incas. It’s an amazing place with a different air. In the first evening in Pisac we saw a huge fire spot in the sky as if many people gathered together with burning torches. We looked through the land under the fire spot in the morning. There was a steep rock there. No people or fire could be gathered there. Something like that always happens in Pisak if one is at least a bit attentive. The energy of the land was healing me. I felt that here I could sleep calmly. I was enjoying resting. My horror was still there, but it became blunt, faded and indistinct.
I know from all the journeys that whatever the guide does is right. I was Evgenyi’s guide, but I happened to be in a terrible state and Evegniy had to babysit me. He did it with great care and respect to me as a human and a guide. He had many questions, and the answers were coming easily through me. Evgeniy was going to be a guide himself, and there were no better chance to prepare him than to be in a state like I was. Nowadays he guides others across the world. The training went well. Peru is an amazing land; it gives to those who are ready to take something completely different from what they expect, but it always what is needed the most. For those who are ready to accept.
I won’t be describing how I came back to Crimea. It seems that with a kind help from the Indians I stepped quite deep into the biosphere’s energetic rubbish. Just like the smudges in the world oceans and all the landfills on this planet, the biosphere’s trash is our common, invisible, yet really perceptible trash. Arnold Mindell warned about it. He wrote that any doctor who risks to start to do something with universal problems will inevitably start to live them through oneself. It seems that he experienced something similar. How could I know that this experience will be so hard?!
“Heal yourself and thousands will heal around you”. The very concept of struggle against the evil, a very belief that bad people and criminals exist create those bad people, criminals and evil. “It’ll be given to you accordingly to your faith”. A struggle of white people with their shadow is an exhausting, maddening task. “Come to us from your cradle”, - Hivaro Indians sing for more than one thousand years.
If “civilized” humanity wants to be truly Civilized, an education about consciousness is of vital importance. The quality of physical health and a quantity of rubbish on the planet is completely equal to the state of consciousness. How blind are those medicine doctors of civilized world who refuse to accept the connection between a body’s health and a state of consciousness. Are they all seized with panic fear in service of the Lucifer?
I already wrote about the challenges and temptations: “A challenge is to understand the other; a temptation is to simply label the other as bad. A challenge is to find a business of the soul; a temptation is to work for money. A challenge is to understand one’s body; a temptation is to swallow a pill. A challenge is to understand The Way of God; a temptation is to consider the world wrong and unjust. A challenge is to express the soul; a temptation is to hide what’s on the soul. A challenge is to walk only into challenges, which soul chooses; a temptation is to look for senseless challenges. And so on…”
Upon returning from Peru I was to do something with my body and consciousness. My body and my consciousness were literally falling apart. People who could see perceived my auric field not as colorful or white. It was entirely dark, almost black, filled with negative energy.
With my wife I went to the monastery near Bakhcisaray, where she bought for me an icon of the Mother of God. On the same evening we both felt an invitation to receive an easier destiny. What is an easier destiny? To come back to the hospital as a pulmonologist and to feed asthma sufferers with hormones and adrenoagonists, pretending that it heals them? But I won’t agree on it again and again will start to walk the way already walked, just throwing out twenty five years of life. I realized on that evening that with the soul like mine there can be no different destiny. No wonder that the Kind Indians were offering me to change the soul. The Indian surgery is somewhat similar to western surgery.
Me and my wife both decided to keep our hard destinies. “Give me what I need and help me to accept it. I don’t ask for easier and don’t ask for harder. Give me accordingly to my strengths” – such a prayer I had after the tenth journey to Peru. Many people helped me back then. Meeting them and their help are separate stories. The whole experience of the tenth journey is worthy of a whole book.
One of the keys to my healing was Tibetan Buddhist practice – Chöd. Similar practices exist in Christianity and other traditions. If the biosphere rubbish exists, there must be methods to process it. I didn’t become a master of Chöd, but I took what could help me. Any energy is only energy. I don’t know a true extent of my consciousness and its ability to process all the waste of the biosphere. Upon grasping on the idea of the practice I’ve lernt how to give in to the fears, to agree with them, to let them into the consciousness. It occurred that all my fears simply melt within the consciousness just like a sugar inside a tea, simply filling me with energy. A spontaneous yoga was of a great help as well. I was up at night doing yoga not because I wanted to do it, but because I couldn't not to do it.
Gradually a great deal of negativity in my body was processed, but something still remains and I continue on recovery after the tenth journey. The teaching of Indian masters is completely ruthless, but very effective!
Recently a very strong fear arose. My trained consciousness grasped it as a cat catches a mouth. A fear was devoured. Right after it the walls of my room started shaking. There was a small earthquake with epicenter in the Black sea, which touched Crimea. Our consciousness is connected with the energy of the planet. It is hard to believe for civilized scientists. The question which interests me is how my ability to accept and transform negative energy influenced the magnitude of that earthquake? Whether it ever influenced the earthquake?
Quite a reasonable question may occur in the reader’s mind: whether this story is true or is it just a byproduct of my sick mind? Did I really meet the Lucifer or just my own shadow, the negative and rejected aspects of my consciousness? Did I offer a hand of friendship to the enemy of the humanity or only to my own inner anti-doctor? I think that everyone who read this text can have their own answers to these questions.
“Heal yourself and thousands will heal around you”. One thing I know for sure: “The way it is on the inside is the same as the way on the outside”. It’s useless to fight outer enemies unless inner ones are healed. Where the great courage resides if not in the great fear? Many people are interested in the source of my wisdom, and of course it comes from the insanity. The one who’s avoiding insanity will never know wisdom.
I was concerned with different matters in the end. Was there a meaning in my strange feat? Was that priest who directed me towards it right? Soon after I returned from the tenth journey, when I was still looking for ways to cope with fears, I met a Christian orthodox priest in the train to Odessa. I asked him: “There is an expression: when a human will love the Devil, the Devil disappears, - is this expression correct?” The priest replied: “No, it’s not correct, when a human will love God with all heart, the Devil disappears”
There also is a different version. Steve Rother describes a school experiment in one of his books. A teacher brings a container filled with very stinky disgustingly looking liquid to the class. Everyone wrinkles their noses. A teacher pours in some translucent fluid from a glass into the container and stirs it. A miracle happens then. A small portion of an amazing catalyst changes the liquid inside the container. The liquid becomes transparent and drinkable. A teacher pours a glass and takes a sip. He offers the students to try. They try and find the liquid to be clean and fresh like a spring water. A small portion of a catalyst changed it entirely.
Steve doesn’t give us a clue what could be such a catalyst for our biosphere. But the answer is known from a long time ago. A pure and unconditional love is an extraordinary transformational energy. All that it touches becomes the love. Maybe it’s true that if the Lucifer willfully closed oneself from the God’s love, a human is the only source who can still give this love. I don’t know about all this stuff. I just did what my soul wanted me to do. Now I share this experience with all of you.
Pura Vida, with all my love,
Translated by Jonathan Rainin